Thursday, October 23, 2008

A Good Cry Never Hurt Anyone!

(I chose her b/c not only is she crying but she is not the thinnest of people either exemplifying what I am feeling- fat and emotional!)

Oh the joys of hormones. Don't you just love bursting into tears in front of a complete stranger like almost sobbing uncontrollably over absolutely nothing. I don't know what my problem is (I guess, I can blame it on pregnancy but this has happened plenty of times when I wasn't pregnant). The other day at my doctors appt. I was supposed to get the glucose screening. The last time I did it (mind you it was not that long ago:) they gave me the yucky orange drink to take home, I took it home, drank it and was at the hospital to do the test w/in the hour. This time they sent me to three different places and made me sit there with a fussy little Seanie for the whole hour. When I found out I was in the wrong place the last time, I burst into tears and the two nurses looked at me like..."Okay, what do I do? Do I send her to the psych unit...oh wait she has a huge stomach she must be pregnant. Ohhhh that poor thing...." Proceeding to then pour me with utter sympathy making me cry harder.

It got done. Sean was not that fussy at all. Life was not over.

Then today, I ended up reading someones blog that I had not seen in a long time only to find out he got married and one year later his wife died! A video tribute was on his blog and I was bursting into tears!!!

THEN......

I decided to "surf" the Internet (even though were were advised not to in Gen. Conf.)and find out any possible thing that could go wrong w/ the diagnosis of "single umbilical artery." Big mistake. Now, I'm freaking out about every possible thing even though I got a blessing and it says everything will be just fine and reminded me to have faith. A good friend of mine (a very blunt one) reminded me today that she (unlike me) will never have to tell her kids she "didn't want them" or they were a "surprise or mistake." She gently reminded me how stressed I was when I found out I was pregnant. It was not that I did not want this baby (not at all) but I'm just so pessimistic and hard on myself I honestly didn't think I could mentally and physically be a mom to a pretty needy toddler and a newborn! Anyway, she meant no harm I'm sure; it just stung a little. If anything goes wrong I will never forgive myself for being so stressed about being pregnant. I already deeply love this baby boy. When he moves, I just get so happy. Even when it's completely inconvenient like when I'm just about to sleep and he decides to practice his gymnastics ferociously. I still am so happy that he is moving and hopefully happy and healthy.

OKAY.....enough.

I'm done.

Really, life is wonderful. Everything will be okay and crying is totally normal. I think I'll go cry now..

12 comments:

Lara said...

Lori, you are so cute! I have felt the same way...crying all the time and blame it on pregnancy, but then I have been known to go on a tangent when I am not pregnant either. Chin up, girl! :)

Jaimee said...

What a poopy day! I'm so sorry. You are a great mom and you will do just fabulous with two kids. I know it must be stressful, but you're strong. It's okay to cry. And even if this baby was unexpected, you don't ever have to tell him that :)! For all he knows you were desperate to bring him into this world and I think you should let him think that :). I don't care what anyone says, EVERYONE at some point during every pregnancy wishes they hadn't gotten themselves into such a "situation." NO WORRIES!! You're awesome we all love you!!

Lara said...

I'm so sorry! I totally have days like that- preggo or not. Don't feel guilty about being stressed. Everyone has those days! You're such a good mom and you should know that. Usually when I have a bad day, the next day is bright and chipper, so you can look forward to better things ahead. :) Loves.

Mommy Melissa said...

I know it probably doesn't make you feel any better, but you're not alone. I'm scared to death about how I'm going to handle a demanding toddler and a newborn at the same time. I'm not even handling morning sickness and my toddler right now. Even though everyone tells me this is "perfect timing", I have to wonder sometimes.
The glucose test is awful! I'm really not looking forward to it this time around. The "yucky orange drink" almost made me throw up, then I was told I failed. So I got to go try the 3 hour fasting glucose screen. The lab tech actually told me that I needed to fast for 14 hours at 29 weeks pregnant. Then they gave me a double strength lemon-line version of the same nasty drink, and told me to drink lots of water with it (on and empty stomach, mind you). The plan was to draw my blood every 30 minutes or something, but I showed them by decorating their ENTIRE bathroom after the second draw. Then I gave them the pregnancy meltdown of the century. I don't think I stopped crying for and hour AFTER Boe came and picked me up to take me home.
It's kind of funny looking back on it now, but I really don't want to repeat it. I have heard som DR.'s let you eat a snickers and drink a soda, I think I'm going to beg for that option this time. Maybe you can get a little laugh out of my pregnancy drama. Hang in there.

sachiko and mark said...

Wow, way worse sounding when you say it on your blog vs. in person, Thomas! I'm sorry. I think you're a beautiful pregnant woman. And there's a reason why you were called to be primary president. The Lord knows you and He knows your limits. Keep that in mind. :)

Kristy said...

I am so glad I am not the only one! I should have you and Sean come over to play and cry! That is pretty much what Myles and I do.

(Blame it on the pregnancy, then after you can blame it on the hormones that having a baby does to you. That's what I do!)
Love you

The GAG nears said...

I am tearing up just reading your post because I totally know how that goes when you start crying and then can't stop. It is the pregnancy, but also being a "mom" in general. When I was pregnant with Ashley I got the and appointment 15 minutes late after dropping the other two off at my moms in SLC on a snowy day so the roads were bad etc.. and they woulnd't let me back, made me reschedule! When they told me I had to leave I broke down in tears to the point I couldn't even stop right there at the check in counter. The ladies thought I was totally crazy, and when I came back the next day for my appointment they all looked at me weird. So glad I am not the only one to have done that. I am there with you sis. And good for you being honest about how this baby was a surprise - who cares what anyone else thinks - once you hold him in your arms it won't matter anymore. He will never know it, don't worry.

Erika said...

Hi Lori! I found your blog on Ryan and Jaimee's...it's SO cute! I think I'm going to be exactly the same when I'm pregnant. I'm SUPER emotional without being pregnant, so I'm a little nervous about what will come of me once we throw all those hormones in with my emotional state! Hang in there girl, you are a great mom, I can tell that just from the couple of times we've hung out with you guys! Keep that blog of yours updated! Let me know if you want to check ours out, we'll have to invite you, so email me your email address! mne.hirschi@gmail.com

Trevor, Brianna, Alivia, and Tayvree Hansen said...

Lori, You have so many people that care about you!! Look at all the comments already! I have to say I am relieved that I'm not the only one with emotional moments....oh yeah but mine seem to happen all the time and I'm not pregnant or nursing anymore!! I think sometimes it just has to be really really really hard to be a woman, so that we will have the right characteristics of love and empathy strengthened in us to help others....like our kids. :) I always tell you two kids is so hard, and it is, but no matter how hard anything gets, you're a daughter of God. And you know that! You are so strong cuz I can tell! You have the Spirit strong! Don't forget that you are an awesome person! (ps you can still tell your kid he was an accident but do it with love....i would tell my kid if they were an accident, cuz it's pretty funny lol, and then i'd follow with incredible amounts of 'you were the best accident there ever was and i'd never undo it!')

Julia said...

I'm so glad you left a comment on my blog because I didn't know you had a blog; I thought you just had a "myspace." Anyway, if it makes you feel any better, I was SOOOOOO insecure and worried about being pregnant with my second. My first was/is also very hard, and I wasn't sure I could handle it. But the Lord blesses you and your little one, and I am so glad with the timing now. You are so cute. I'm sorry you are feeling emotional lately. I totally get that way when I'm pregnant. I KNOW you are an amazing mom and will do great. Keep praying for peace. I love you Lori!

c.miller said...

I have to admit I don't remeber a lot about the first year or so of Mason's life. But he turned out fine so far. and plus they are great friends now. Now that they are older 18 months apart is fun becuase they play so well together and are great friends. I can remeber being nervous, but I know you will be great. neither of my kids were planned, and i love them just the same as if i had planned them. some people are nuts, you just have to laugh or cry or whatever helps. i know how you feel about crying over everything. ever since i had kids everything makes me cry and i mean everything. it's bizare and crazy, but oh well.
anyways, i think you are a wonderful mom and kids are so forgiving and loving and adaptable. and all that great stuff.
love, christie

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